Internet Voyeurism....

So there is this interesting phenomenon I have noticed on the internet.... With IM programs, dating sites and other membership websites that show presence information, we are actually projecting our presence to the internet community..... And we may be showing more than we intend....

I was actually thinking about this when I myself was succumbing to a sort of voyeuristic temptation! Imagine this.... you meet someone online and you two are really hitting it off.... talking regularly via all mediums, both online and offline and then..... an email goes unanswered, a call not returned..... Well, where is he? I see him on IM! He logged into this site today! He posted to his blog today! Why won't he respond to my email!?!?!? I am slightly overstating this but.... you get my point..... It is easy for the online you (and in turn maybe the offline you if someone is crazy enough) to be virtually stalked....... So, protect your online persona!

A new start!

It is really interesting the psychological effect of a percieved new start. There is nothing really different about December 31st and January 1st. The weather is the same, you are basically the same age, nothing has really changed in your life, but millions of people are incented/motivated to make changes in their life, changes that will make your life better simply because you ripped one more page off of the calendar. And hey, I am a victim of this too!

So, now that it is January, I am incented to eat better again, think about the housing renovation projects I need to complete, thinking about how to working a regular exercise regimen back into my schedule etc...... Just because the year has changed.

I am thinking that the end of the year has the opposite effect as well. Why didn't I resolve to make any of these changes in November or December?

I guess the important thing is how long I keep this all up! Here's to the new year!

PS Obviously, I didn't resolve to be a better blogger! Otherwise I would have managed to post this 3 weeks ago when I started writing this! Hmmmm.......

I'm back!

So.... this fall I have not been the best blogger.... or the best blog reader.... Life has been distracting me! I have had a dog before when I was growing up and as experienced as I am owning a dog and living with a roommate that had a dog for 3+ years, I think I underestimated the effect of a puppy on my current adult life. I really feel like I have a little furry child but i didn't have to go through labor! I am exaggerating a little bit but not that much......

First, since she is still young, I have to come home everyday at lunchtime to let her out and feed her lunch because she is growing and has a small bladder which has really cut into my work social time. Lunchtime is a major social outing at work and I often used the time to catch up with my friends in other groups and to bond with the folks in my group. That time is gone for now..... Lunch now is normally a Lean Cuisine in between walks/potty breaks with the dog then it is back to work.

I have become one of those dog mommies who talks about their dogs all the time. I often would mention how folks with kids just talk about their kids and kid things all the time and I have become that person, except about my dog. My co-worker humors me, mainly because she has a 4 year old so she sort of knows what its like. So when I come in and talk about how Puppy gained 6 lbs since her last vet visit or how she learned to sit or had her first bath, she kindly humors me. :-)

But i have to admit, I am feeling a little isolated. She hates being in her crate and being left alone so it bothers me a little bit every time I leave her in the house since she barks like crazy so I end up staying at home on my free time a lot more, especially on the weekends. Today friends of mine came over for a little wine and cheese tasting, reminiscent of our Napa trip in June, so I got to have a little adult people time. And Puppy behaved well! They both own dogs so they would have been fine anyway but she slept most of the time they were here and didn't really try to chew or bite on anyone (the joys of teething! ;-)

So, I bet you want to see pictures! Here she is!






Chewing rawhide

How much is that doggie in the window?.....

So I have been contemplating getting a dog for a while now but was never quite ready to make the commitment. I had a dog growing up for about 10 years and I know how much attention they require and how much attention I would want to give one and I was not sure that I wanted to give up the freedom I have as a single unattached woman..... I mean, having a dog is similar to having a child. I could not go out after work but would have to come home and walk to dog. I would have to find kennels when I went out of town..... But this is a cute dog! She is a black lab/border collie mix. She sorta looks like this one here (who is not her.)

I don't know about the border collie part. They are longer haired than I would like. I am sometimes maybe allergic to dogs and I think that it would be better to have a shorter hair dog.

Well, i will think on it. I am going to call my aunt who had 2 border collies and pump her for information.....

RSVPs......

So..... its been a little over 3 months since I moved into my house and I had my housewarming this weekend! I was a little intimidated by the number of RSVPs I got.....about 70! So, I went to planning on how to feed and provide drinks for all these people. I decided to not make it too complicated so I went the barbeque route....... the menu included:

Appetizers:
Crab and artichoke dip
7 layer dip
Roasted rosemary cashews

Entrees:
BBQ ribs
BBQ chicken
Roasted chicken
BBQ Meatballs
Corn on the cob
Roasted vegetables with Garlic Tarragon Butter
Potato Salad

Dessert:
Mango Key Lime Cheesecake
Lemon Pound Cake with fresh Strawberries

Premixed drinks:
Peach Sangria
Rum Punch
Margaritas

Okay.... well maybe that doesnt sound all that simple but it is all stuff I have basically made before. I admit, I like cooking for people and somehow, this time was much easier than I expected. I did the majority of the cooking on Saturday.

I would say that the housewarming was a success but...... I had 24 no shows! 24! That is a lot!! Like how can you possibly plan for that?? But I guess I would rather have more food than not enough. However, if you say you are coming then you should come.... or apologize for not showing up and give an explanation/excuse. I have still not heard from some people. I just think that is rude. Am I overreacting about this?? Should I just give up and know that RSVPs just don't mean anything anymore?......
Tequila Lime & Buffalo wings

Second chances......

When do you know when to give a person a second chance?

When they have done something that has hurt you?

When you feel abandoned and rejected?

When you have cried til you dry up.....

When you have moved on.....

You do the only thing you can do, and that is follow your heart and trust in yourself to survive whatever comes next......

Lock Heaven!

Sunday, I stopped by Whole Foods to pick up a couple things and as I was grabbing my bags to leave, I looked up and I felt like I was in Lock Heaven! Everywhere I looked there were locks! the checkers, the customers, the folks dining inside and outside...... It was great!

Traveling with the peeps...

Saw this article in the Washington Post and thought it might be of interest to you all who are thinking about trips in the upcoming months....

Consider a trip organized by an African American travel club.....

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/09/01/AR2006090100506.html?referrer=emailarticle

Enough!

There was a column in the New York Times last week about the promotion of gang/crime culture in the black community, the pertetuation of violence against black people by black people and the dissentigration of the black community. In "A Triumph of Felons and Failures," Op-ed columnist Bob Herbert talks about the magazines and other elements of popular culture that are contributing to the degradation of our black communal spirit and how those who rise up against these forces in their communities are often rewarded with death (i.e. Angela and Carnell dawson of Baltimore in 2002.) The column also mentions a new book by Juan Williams, titled Enough, who talks about the vacuum of leadership and the feverish array of problems that are undermining black Americans. I recommend you take a look at this article at www.newyorktimes.com (I would have pasted it in here myself but too many lawyers read this blog and I am scared of copyright repercusions!) and to pick up this new book by Juan Williams.

This column reminds me of some conversations that I have been having with friends of mine lately..... I am starting to feel older..... Especially when I listen to the radio! I mean, there are songs on the radio today that I just can't believe have gotten past the censors! Now, don't get me wrong.... I have been known to groove to these songs in the club but I also have a enough of a foundation and strong enough self concept to know that 1) they are not talking about me and 2) they are not prescriptions for how I should structure my personal relationships nor pattern my everyday life. I used to always say to myself that I would be a cool mom... like one who was in touch with popular culture but I have to tell you... I am beginning to think that I will not allow my kids to listen to the radio at all! It saddens me but, especially for girls, there are so few positive images out there for black kids these days. I think about how hard I will have the work to counter these images and make sure that my children (when I have them) grow up with positive self images and the ability to filter out the negative. Just thinking....... Please share your thoughts...

No real surprise..... Sad but true....

A post doc student in psychology at University of Georgia did a study on skin tone bias in hiring.... His findings were not real surprise to me or likely you either. But maybe it will be a surprise to some "other"folks and it will make them think twice about their natural tendencies when evaluating job candidates....

http://www.consumeraffairs.com/news04/2006/08/skin_tone.html

This reminds me of my discoveries about racial identity, and racial and skin tone bias as I was growing up. I think all black folks have had these skin tone "realizations" as they grow up and move around society. We all know that it is more complicated than just being black.

So, as you might have noticed, I am on the lighter side of the skin tone perspective for black folks (Duh!) but my parents always did a great job of making sure that I was very clear about my racial identity. I was black. I always knew that. In fact, i remember a story about how I was learning my colors and my mother trying to explain how I was black and the color that I just learned as black were the same things. Very complicated to get across to a 2-3 year old!

In fact, I so valued my black identity that I got upset once when someone in junior high said I was "mixed." Now, let me explain something about my geneology to you all. As light as I may look, you have to go about 4 generations back to actually get to a white person on my father's side of the family. (not that I would expect anyone to know that by looking.) My father's side of the family is from New Orleans so all the lightskinned folks married each other, thus reinforcing these skin tone characteristics. On my mother's side, while my grandmother was fair, my grandfather was dark. So, at that time, when my classmate made that comments I got upset more because I knew it wasn't true than I thought it was something bad. We learned that skin tone didnt often tell you very much about where someones people "came from" or how their brother, sister, mother or father might look. My mother's mother had eight borthers and sisters and they ran the skin tone spectrum from very dark to light with straight red hair. And, my my friend Melinda was darker than I was even though her mother was white. This stuff wasnt simple! In the end, it makes very little difference. All African Americans have a varied geneology, just by the nature of the fact that we who we are and how most of our ancestors got here.

But I was always confronted with the intricacies of skin tone and geneology growing up and I never really valued the so called "benefit" of being lighter.... I have never been a fan of the red undetones in my skin and couldn't wait for summer so I could get a tan and not be so pale! My hair, while it may have been a different color from my friend's requireda relaxer just like everyone else to get straight.

I used to say often in high school that I was a dark skinned girl, living in a light skinned girl's body! My best friend, Pauline, and I were very similar in high school. We were both about the same height, had the same length hair and similar hair styles. We were about the same size, although she was thinner. We dressed similarly, talked similarly, had similar interests. But she was dark skinned. So likely, growing up around her, helped heighten my sensitivity to skin tone preference. I remember one time, we were in the local mall, in a record store, looking around for music. We had bothe been in there a while browsing..... But it was she who got approached by the salesperson, asking if she needed help "finding anything," in a way that was less about good customer service and more about letting you know that they are keeping an eye on you. Meanwhile, I am wandering around that store with no issue. That experience really resonated with me. The fact that her parents were better off financially than mine and that she was more likely to be able to afford anything we were looking at than I was could not be seen and made no difference. It was the difference in her skin tone that got her singled out.

As I have gotten older, I feel like the incidences like this have become less frequent, or maybe just less obvious. I did move away from the Midwest to a large coastal city with more diversity so I am sure that had something to do with it as well. I can't help feeling though, that when white people come up to me and ask me all these questions about my hair some of it has to do with the fact that I am light enough for them to feel comfortable with me. Questions on buses, elevators, in restuarants. Questions like "do you wash it?" Comments like "you must have to get up really early in the morning to all that every morning!"...... But I guess, I would rather they ask me than stay ignorant... Just a few thoughts this morning..... Check out the article and please share your thoughts, comments and experiences....