There was a column in the New York Times last week about the promotion of gang/crime culture in the black community, the pertetuation of violence against black people by black people and the dissentigration of the black community. In "A Triumph of Felons and Failures," Op-ed columnist Bob Herbert talks about the magazines and other elements of popular culture that are contributing to the degradation of our black communal spirit and how those who rise up against these forces in their communities are often rewarded with death (i.e. Angela and Carnell dawson of Baltimore in 2002.) The column also mentions a new book by Juan Williams, titled Enough, who talks about the vacuum of leadership and the feverish array of problems that are undermining black Americans. I recommend you take a look at this article at www.newyorktimes.com (I would have pasted it in here myself but too many lawyers read this blog and I am scared of copyright repercusions!) and to pick up this new book by Juan Williams.
This column reminds me of some conversations that I have been having with friends of mine lately..... I am starting to feel older..... Especially when I listen to the radio! I mean, there are songs on the radio today that I just can't believe have gotten past the censors! Now, don't get me wrong.... I have been known to groove to these songs in the club but I also have a enough of a foundation and strong enough self concept to know that 1) they are not talking about me and 2) they are not prescriptions for how I should structure my personal relationships nor pattern my everyday life. I used to always say to myself that I would be a cool mom... like one who was in touch with popular culture but I have to tell you... I am beginning to think that I will not allow my kids to listen to the radio at all! It saddens me but, especially for girls, there are so few positive images out there for black kids these days. I think about how hard I will have the work to counter these images and make sure that my children (when I have them) grow up with positive self images and the ability to filter out the negative. Just thinking....... Please share your thoughts...
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Monday, August 21, 2006
No real surprise..... Sad but true....
A post doc student in psychology at University of Georgia did a study on skin tone bias in hiring.... His findings were not real surprise to me or likely you either. But maybe it will be a surprise to some "other"folks and it will make them think twice about their natural tendencies when evaluating job candidates....
http://www.consumeraffairs.com/news04/2006/08/skin_tone.html
This reminds me of my discoveries about racial identity, and racial and skin tone bias as I was growing up. I think all black folks have had these skin tone "realizations" as they grow up and move around society. We all know that it is more complicated than just being black.
So, as you might have noticed, I am on the lighter side of the skin tone perspective for black folks (Duh!) but my parents always did a great job of making sure that I was very clear about my racial identity. I was black. I always knew that. In fact, i remember a story about how I was learning my colors and my mother trying to explain how I was black and the color that I just learned as black were the same things. Very complicated to get across to a 2-3 year old!
In fact, I so valued my black identity that I got upset once when someone in junior high said I was "mixed." Now, let me explain something about my geneology to you all. As light as I may look, you have to go about 4 generations back to actually get to a white person on my father's side of the family. (not that I would expect anyone to know that by looking.) My father's side of the family is from New Orleans so all the lightskinned folks married each other, thus reinforcing these skin tone characteristics. On my mother's side, while my grandmother was fair, my grandfather was dark. So, at that time, when my classmate made that comments I got upset more because I knew it wasn't true than I thought it was something bad. We learned that skin tone didnt often tell you very much about where someones people "came from" or how their brother, sister, mother or father might look. My mother's mother had eight borthers and sisters and they ran the skin tone spectrum from very dark to light with straight red hair. And, my my friend Melinda was darker than I was even though her mother was white. This stuff wasnt simple! In the end, it makes very little difference. All African Americans have a varied geneology, just by the nature of the fact that we who we are and how most of our ancestors got here.
But I was always confronted with the intricacies of skin tone and geneology growing up and I never really valued the so called "benefit" of being lighter.... I have never been a fan of the red undetones in my skin and couldn't wait for summer so I could get a tan and not be so pale! My hair, while it may have been a different color from my friend's requireda relaxer just like everyone else to get straight.
I used to say often in high school that I was a dark skinned girl, living in a light skinned girl's body! My best friend, Pauline, and I were very similar in high school. We were both about the same height, had the same length hair and similar hair styles. We were about the same size, although she was thinner. We dressed similarly, talked similarly, had similar interests. But she was dark skinned. So likely, growing up around her, helped heighten my sensitivity to skin tone preference. I remember one time, we were in the local mall, in a record store, looking around for music. We had bothe been in there a while browsing..... But it was she who got approached by the salesperson, asking if she needed help "finding anything," in a way that was less about good customer service and more about letting you know that they are keeping an eye on you. Meanwhile, I am wandering around that store with no issue. That experience really resonated with me. The fact that her parents were better off financially than mine and that she was more likely to be able to afford anything we were looking at than I was could not be seen and made no difference. It was the difference in her skin tone that got her singled out.
As I have gotten older, I feel like the incidences like this have become less frequent, or maybe just less obvious. I did move away from the Midwest to a large coastal city with more diversity so I am sure that had something to do with it as well. I can't help feeling though, that when white people come up to me and ask me all these questions about my hair some of it has to do with the fact that I am light enough for them to feel comfortable with me. Questions on buses, elevators, in restuarants. Questions like "do you wash it?" Comments like "you must have to get up really early in the morning to all that every morning!"...... But I guess, I would rather they ask me than stay ignorant... Just a few thoughts this morning..... Check out the article and please share your thoughts, comments and experiences....
http://www.consumeraffairs.com/news04/2006/08/skin_tone.html
This reminds me of my discoveries about racial identity, and racial and skin tone bias as I was growing up. I think all black folks have had these skin tone "realizations" as they grow up and move around society. We all know that it is more complicated than just being black.
So, as you might have noticed, I am on the lighter side of the skin tone perspective for black folks (Duh!) but my parents always did a great job of making sure that I was very clear about my racial identity. I was black. I always knew that. In fact, i remember a story about how I was learning my colors and my mother trying to explain how I was black and the color that I just learned as black were the same things. Very complicated to get across to a 2-3 year old!
In fact, I so valued my black identity that I got upset once when someone in junior high said I was "mixed." Now, let me explain something about my geneology to you all. As light as I may look, you have to go about 4 generations back to actually get to a white person on my father's side of the family. (not that I would expect anyone to know that by looking.) My father's side of the family is from New Orleans so all the lightskinned folks married each other, thus reinforcing these skin tone characteristics. On my mother's side, while my grandmother was fair, my grandfather was dark. So, at that time, when my classmate made that comments I got upset more because I knew it wasn't true than I thought it was something bad. We learned that skin tone didnt often tell you very much about where someones people "came from" or how their brother, sister, mother or father might look. My mother's mother had eight borthers and sisters and they ran the skin tone spectrum from very dark to light with straight red hair. And, my my friend Melinda was darker than I was even though her mother was white. This stuff wasnt simple! In the end, it makes very little difference. All African Americans have a varied geneology, just by the nature of the fact that we who we are and how most of our ancestors got here.
But I was always confronted with the intricacies of skin tone and geneology growing up and I never really valued the so called "benefit" of being lighter.... I have never been a fan of the red undetones in my skin and couldn't wait for summer so I could get a tan and not be so pale! My hair, while it may have been a different color from my friend's requireda relaxer just like everyone else to get straight.
I used to say often in high school that I was a dark skinned girl, living in a light skinned girl's body! My best friend, Pauline, and I were very similar in high school. We were both about the same height, had the same length hair and similar hair styles. We were about the same size, although she was thinner. We dressed similarly, talked similarly, had similar interests. But she was dark skinned. So likely, growing up around her, helped heighten my sensitivity to skin tone preference. I remember one time, we were in the local mall, in a record store, looking around for music. We had bothe been in there a while browsing..... But it was she who got approached by the salesperson, asking if she needed help "finding anything," in a way that was less about good customer service and more about letting you know that they are keeping an eye on you. Meanwhile, I am wandering around that store with no issue. That experience really resonated with me. The fact that her parents were better off financially than mine and that she was more likely to be able to afford anything we were looking at than I was could not be seen and made no difference. It was the difference in her skin tone that got her singled out.
As I have gotten older, I feel like the incidences like this have become less frequent, or maybe just less obvious. I did move away from the Midwest to a large coastal city with more diversity so I am sure that had something to do with it as well. I can't help feeling though, that when white people come up to me and ask me all these questions about my hair some of it has to do with the fact that I am light enough for them to feel comfortable with me. Questions on buses, elevators, in restuarants. Questions like "do you wash it?" Comments like "you must have to get up really early in the morning to all that every morning!"...... But I guess, I would rather they ask me than stay ignorant... Just a few thoughts this morning..... Check out the article and please share your thoughts, comments and experiences....
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Surprise Bachelorette Party
I have been meaning to post this for the longest time!So, in the midst of starting a new job and closing on my house, in June, I also went on a little trip! I know, I know.... you all are like another trip??? You just got back from Aruba! But, this one was for a special occasion --- it was a surprise Bachelorette trip for a friend of mine who is getting married in September. Yes, I did say surprise! "Well, how does that work?", you might be saying to yourself......
Well, you see, my friend, Shelly, who is the one getting married, has a group of friends from undergrad, who now live around the country but have stayed really close. So, they have this tradition of planning surprise bachelorette trips for each other when one is getting married. One time they went to Puerto Rico.... I can't remember the other places they went.... But basically, the surprisee knows that they are going on a trip but not where. All they know, or are told over time is what kind of weather to pack for and when to show up somewhere with their suitcase. And they get tortured during the weeks before with fake/and not so fake clues.....
So, the story this time was that we were going to Ohio! Each of the participants had an assignment of a clue to send Shelly ----Ohio Buckeye candy, monk-e-mail clues with Ohio trivia, stilettos and hotpants/shorts (don't ask! all will be revealed soon....) and Shelly was totally confused!
Check out her shirt! Apparently, it was the source of much conversations on her flights! On the back it said "....in Napa Valley!" So that is how Shelly found out where she was going........
See posting about Day 2 & 3 below. I wanted to keep the posts in order....
Well, you see, my friend, Shelly, who is the one getting married, has a group of friends from undergrad, who now live around the country but have stayed really close. So, they have this tradition of planning surprise bachelorette trips for each other when one is getting married. One time they went to Puerto Rico.... I can't remember the other places they went.... But basically, the surprisee knows that they are going on a trip but not where. All they know, or are told over time is what kind of weather to pack for and when to show up somewhere with their suitcase. And they get tortured during the weeks before with fake/and not so fake clues.....
So, the story this time was that we were going to Ohio! Each of the participants had an assignment of a clue to send Shelly ----Ohio Buckeye candy, monk-e-mail clues with Ohio trivia, stilettos and hotpants/shorts (don't ask! all will be revealed soon....) and Shelly was totally confused!
The day we left, she was picked up by a good-looking bald guy in a tight t-shirt, driving a convertible --- still didnt know where she was going. When they got to the airport, he handed her a bag --- it contained her ticket and a t-shirt that she was instructed to put on for the rest of her trip. Now, we had all flown in earlier and called her after her flight landed. Here she is when we picked her up!
Check out her shirt! Apparently, it was the source of much conversations on her flights! On the back it said "....in Napa Valley!" So that is how Shelly found out where she was going........
See posting about Day 2 & 3 below. I wanted to keep the posts in order....
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Surprise Bachelorette Party - Day 2
There were 8 of us on this little adventure -- 5 friends from undergrad, 1 cousin, 1 friend from grad school and 1 friend from in between. We stayed at the house of one of the undergrad friends (who was 8 months pregnant and unable to travel so it worked out perfectly) and her husband was exceedingly patient with us (Thanks, Michael!)
On Day 2, we got dressed and ate breakfast, keeping Shelly in the dark as to what we were doing next .....until the limo pulled up! That's right! We were headed to Napa for a day of wine tasting!
Our driver, Mario, took very good care of us, and even recommended a vineyard to us that wasn't even on our list. It turned out to be our favorite, due in large part to our host, Alan........
Alan, was a trip! He is very lively, and apparently is known for yodeling at his tastings. Thank God he tailored his technique to his audience. So, for us...... he rapped! It was hilarious! And very educational..... He rapped for the entire tasting, tell us about the wines.
And, he freestyled! -- weaving in lyrics about Shelly and us.... and then he took out this little card and a quarter and scratched! (the card had little ribs on it so when he scratched with a quarter, it sounded like scratching on a turntable) Can you say HILARIOUS!!!
We ended the tasting with this singing of the Peju song (sung to the tune of Hey Jude) at the top of our lungs and everyone looking at us and wondering why we were having so much fun!
All in allI think we went to about 6 wineries: Robert Sinskey, Peju, Rutherford Hill, V. Sattui, Beringer, and Rubicon Estate (formerly Neibaum-Coppola) in 8 hours! And we had a great picnic lunch on the grounds of Rutherford Hill. I ended up buying something at each vineyard
except Beringer. Beringer was actually so crowded that we didnt even do a tasting there. But my favorites were Peju and V. Sattui, both local vieneyards that don't do national distribution (just my luck!) but it seems that the shipping laws are being relaxed and I should be able to get wine shipped to me. (Yay!) By the end of the day, we were exhausted!
On Day 2, we got dressed and ate breakfast, keeping Shelly in the dark as to what we were doing next .....until the limo pulled up! That's right! We were headed to Napa for a day of wine tasting!
Our driver, Mario, took very good care of us, and even recommended a vineyard to us that wasn't even on our list. It turned out to be our favorite, due in large part to our host, Alan........
Alan, was a trip! He is very lively, and apparently is known for yodeling at his tastings. Thank God he tailored his technique to his audience. So, for us...... he rapped! It was hilarious! And very educational..... He rapped for the entire tasting, tell us about the wines.
And, he freestyled! -- weaving in lyrics about Shelly and us.... and then he took out this little card and a quarter and scratched! (the card had little ribs on it so when he scratched with a quarter, it sounded like scratching on a turntable) Can you say HILARIOUS!!!
We ended the tasting with this singing of the Peju song (sung to the tune of Hey Jude) at the top of our lungs and everyone looking at us and wondering why we were having so much fun!
All in allI think we went to about 6 wineries: Robert Sinskey, Peju, Rutherford Hill, V. Sattui, Beringer, and Rubicon Estate (formerly Neibaum-Coppola) in 8 hours! And we had a great picnic lunch on the grounds of Rutherford Hill. I ended up buying something at each vineyard
except Beringer. Beringer was actually so crowded that we didnt even do a tasting there. But my favorites were Peju and V. Sattui, both local vieneyards that don't do national distribution (just my luck!) but it seems that the shipping laws are being relaxed and I should be able to get wine shipped to me. (Yay!) By the end of the day, we were exhausted!
Surprise Bachelorette Party - Day 3
Okay so...... Day 3 was the best! Did we have a surprise for Shelly! We got up in the morning and told her to put on her hot pants! Boy, was she nervous! Then we drove to South San Francisco to this industrial park, parked and got out. We were early so we had to stand around in the parking lot for a while. Which added even more to the confusion.....
And then the studio opened...... Sedusa Studios specializes in teaching sensual dancing! and we were there to take...... a poledancing class!!! They provided us all with these 4 inch platform stillettos and had us each pick a pole. (Don't worry, the pregnant one sat this one out. She was our photographer.) Our instructor was very good and the music was great.... and it was easy to.... get in the mood! And we all just ran with it! It was so much fun! After we learned all the basics, we put it together in a routine and then broke into teams and performed for each other.... Check out my poleswing! So I found out that they make portable poles and poles that you can take down and put back up. Hey, I have some extra room in my basement! ;-)
After our lesson, we went to Embarcadero and had lunch and walked around and then went home and took a nap! For dinner, we went out to a great dinner in Oakland on the water. Oh yeah, and we took a limo again!
Here I am!
Here's to the Bachelorette!!
And then we hit the town and went dancing!
The next day we all flew our separate ways.... It was such a great weekend, spending time with such a great group of black women. I can't wait to get together again at the wedding!
Hair, hair, hair!.......
So, this story was on NPR this morning and I thought it was very interesting and something that i know we all can relate to....... And it is nice to hear a teenager's thoughts and view of the "hair debate"! Enjoy! And let me know your comments!
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5649817
Go Bianca! And thanks to my friend Greg for sending me the link!
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
My first house guest.....
My friend at work warned me, when I sent out my moving ecard saying that I had a guest room, that i might get more takers than I expected, possibly sooner than I thought. Well, literally 2 minutes after I sent out the notice I got word from my aunt's husband's son that he was going to be in town in 4 days and didnt have a hotel the first night he was there! (be careful what you wish for, right!) He called my bluff! I hadn't even gotten a bed for the guest room yet!
At any rate, Skip slept comfortably on my futon in the den downstairs....
Here's a picture....
At any rate, Skip slept comfortably on my futon in the den downstairs....
Here's a picture....
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