When it rains, it pours!

So, the same day that I started to get an inkling that I was going to get an offer from Company A (I got contacted by HR to complete an employment application) I also got a call from a recruiter at Company B. He and I chatted and he told me he wanted to set up a phone interview with the hiring manager for a position I applied for after I had interviewed at Company A.

The next day, I was called by the recruiter at Company A who asked me if I would consider an offer that was a little lower than my requested salary. I told her that I would consider it and she said that she would have to get special approval for the offer and would plan to send me an offer in two days.

Day 3, I had my phone interview with the hiring manager and I started to get excited about that position. Although it was not a consumer-facing business, it would be working on a product that had a lot of exposure and could include some international travel. The hiring manager told me that I would be contacted to schedule a round of in-person interviews in a week and a half. I also got contacted by a recruiter at Company C who had encouraged me to apply for a position at her company a week or so back. She wanted to talk to me more about the position and some of my past experience. Now, I knew when I applied for that position that it was a good fit from some of my prior experience but not really something I wanted to continue with in the future. I still applied though because any job is better than no job, okay! But, now that I knew that I was getting an offer, I declined to go any further with Company C.

Day 4, I was supposed to get the offer. Instead I got a call from the recruiter at Company A going over the offer. While I didn't quite get the money I wanted, I reasoned that given their historical propensity to payout well on the yearly bonus (something that didn't really live up to it's potential at my old company) I would end up at about the same as what I was making before, if not a little better. But, you should always negotiate. Women historically are afraid to negotiate, and black folks as well. It seems to be drilled into us that we are lucky to have a job. But, traditionally, white men aren't hindered by the same viewpoint and just about always negotiate. So remember, always negotiate --- they will not take the offer from you! In fact, they expect you to! If you don't, you will be leaving stuff on the table. And there are more things that you can negotiate on besides salary. I was able to get a few more vacation days out of the deal.

Day 5, I got the offer. It was like we discussed but I was confused that there was not anything to sign and send back. So I sent an email asking about that.

The weekend was pretty quiet, save a yummy dinner that I cooked and a Brazilian party with a few too many caipirinhas!

Day 8, the recruiter from Company A saying that email acceptance would be fine for the offer. When I was just about to send the email accepting the offer, I got an email from Consulting Company D. (are you confused yet??) A great friend of mine who lives in the city I used to live in works for Company D and when he heard about my situation at the beginning of the year, he offered to submit my resume as an interal referral. Now, I was not all that excited about the travel associated with consulting but like I said before, a job is better than no job, okay! To be honest, I had forgotten all about it until the recruiter contacted me. Now Company D has done some really exciting projects in my industry and it was very flattering that a senior director there was interesting in my resume. But what do I do?!

Well, I tried to find out as much about Company D from my friend as I could and I called back the recruiter there the next day. I also called a guy I knew in the group at Company A to ask some more specific questions about what it is like to work there on a daily basis and what it is like to work for my potential new boss. Then, about 45 minutes later, I got a call from the recruiter at Company A telling me that she was hearing rumors that I was going to reject the offer. First of all, rumors?? It was a little bit of a strange conversation. It was like she was trying to do the final sale, telling me that there were 300 applicants for the position and how great my manager would be, and also trying to put the screws to me. So, I don't know if someone actually talked to her or if this was just a final negotiating tactic but it sort of worked. After the conversation I knew that I would not be able to effectively stall Company A until I could get anything tangible from the other companies. I called Company B and declined to interview further.

I did still follow through with a call with a principal at Company D, just to find out more about the company. And I made a decision. It was rather flattering to have multiple companies competing for me, even if the timing wasn't right. And, while I got the position that I wanted, this situation underpins the need to continuously network, even when you have a job, so that you won't need to start from scratch when "things happen." I am the kind of person who really dedicates themselves to their job and the group that I work in but there are no guarantees, no matter how big the company is. So, while I will continue to be dedicated to my job, I will still keep my eye out for the next opportunity.

It's over!

Well, it looks like, after 5 months, my sometimes paid vacation is coming to an end! A few weeks ago I was finally contacted by a company I was targeting to come in for an interview. In fact, that day I was contacted by two hiring managers at Company A to interview for two different positions that week. So I scheduled both.

Now one was in a group that I have been working on getting a position in since December. I had talked to a number of folks about the group and have a number of people forward my resume to the hiring manager. The other one, apparently some of the folks I know from job had recommended me to the hiring manager. I started doing a little research as I prepared for the interview and found out that both hiring managers sit on the same floor, around the corner from each other.

So I went to the first interview that week and it was organized for me to talk to 3 people, with the hiring manager being last. 45 minutes with each person separately. It was a rather long afternoon. 2 1/2 hours is a long time to talk about yourself. And to re-introduce yourself each time. I started to forget who I had said what to! I was also warned that the hiring manager was a tough interviewer and that she didn't really give much feedback at all during the interview. And it was the truth. Plainly put, I would not want to play poker with her! You cannot read any emotions on her face or in her voice during interviews. But I felt well prepared and thought I did pretty well.

The other interview was 2 days later, with only one person (Thank God!) The funniest thing was that I had to walk past the office of the other woman I interviewed with 3 times before the end and the third time she says "Hi RedDred (well not really but you get the point)!" with a big smile on her face and I had to say back "Hi Poker-faced Interviewer Lady!" right in front of the guy I was interviewing with. It happened to be a great segue to introduce to him that I had already interviewed with her earlier in the week. In fact, at the end of the interview he asked me when she said that she would get back to me and then he assured me that he would be making a decision a few days before when she said she would. So I left the interview feeling pretty positive.

Now, given my new dedication to positive thinking , I decided to alter my approach to how I thought about the interviews as I waited to hear word. I knew that I had done the best job I could in my interviews and I was not going to fret about what I could have said or done differently. I would only think positively about the experience and not let fear or worry get the best of me. So I took two post-it notes and wrote the titles of the positions on each one and stuck them to my mirror in my bathroom. Then, every time I saw them I would think, "I am going to get one of these jobs!" or " I am going to be working at Company A soon!" A few days I did something that I felt was a little corny but I figured it was not bad to send this type of energy out into the universe... I visualized, turn by turn, me driving to work at Company A on the first day with my box of stuff to put on my desk and then parking and walking up to the building and talking to the receptionist. I also decided to pro-actively buy a pass for the toll since I would have to pay a toll to get to and from Company A so I wouldn't have to carry quarters with me all the time.

Now, a pragmatist would say that these things really didn't make a difference and that the difference was made during the interview but I figured my attitude couldn't have hurt. And the punchline is, I got an offer last Friday for the second position I interviewed for, which was the one I had been tracking down since December! So I am returning to the realm of the employed and not a moment too soon and doing something that I think I will really enjoy!

Thanks so much to all of you for your words of encouragement during these times, especially Brunsli, BlackRussian, and Naturally, Sophia. You helped me keep my spirits and my resolve up. It is great to have a supportive online network of friends cheering you on when you need it the most. Thanks guys!!!

What a scam!

I just bought some tickets for a concert that I really want to see from Ticketmaster. Now, I don't go to concerts very often, maybe once at year at the most. I only go see the people that I really, really want to see. The people who, to me, are worth the money to pay for a great seat. So I had already resigned myself to the idea of spending some money on these tickets.

What I was not prepared for was the exorbitant "convenience fee" that Ticketmaster tacked on to the ticket price. I mean $35 a ticket!!! Who is that convenient for?!?!? And what is this fee for anyway? It is not like there is any overhead cost associated with selling tickets. The paper and ink don't cost a whole lot. I have the same feeling that I get when I see how much popcorn and soda cost at the movies. They know that they've got you, you have no choice, so they take fun advantage of their monopolistic position! And....... they don't tell you about the fee when they advertise the ticket price. They wait until you are emotionally invested, you have found the seats that you want and then they spring it on you! And to top it all off, they put pressure on you by giving you a limited amount of time to enter your payment information or the tickets go back up for grabs, where they could be scooped up by another purchaser who is just sitting in wait for your tickets! (or at least that is how they make you feel!)

So, of course I bought the tickets, and I am sure that I will love the show --- I will be 10 rows from the stage! --- but these fees have really left a bad taste in my mouth. I just wish there was another choice because I would surely take it!

I have two first cousins....

Brunsli's post about meeting one of here 53 paternal cousins for the first time got me thinking about my family. I have two first cousins, on my father's side and they are about 8-10 years older than me. They also grew up in CA so I never got to know them all that well.

I have 8 second cousins, 2 are the children of my father's uncle and 6 are the sons of my mother's aunt. Yes, I have a great aunt who had 6 sons! My great uncle was good with those Y chromosomes! And just about all of these cousins have children who are older than me, some significantly.

And then we get to the 3rd cousins and this is when it gets a little harder to count but it still doesn't come close to 53! My father's side is still pretty easy. One second cousin had 2 children, the oldest is 16. But on my mother's side, each of those sons' of my great aunt had multiple children, except one. I think I can count just about all of them because they all pretty much stayed in the city where I grew up, except for the kids of one of the older ones because he lived somewhere else and didn't come back that often. So third cousins equals 9 plus maybe 2 or 3 from the cousin who I don't know well. But the thing was a bunch of these cousins were the same age and I was about 4 years younger than the youngest of most of them and at least 4 years older than the 3 youngest ones.

Four years is a big difference when you are a kid. It is the difference between 2nd and 6th grade, 5th and 9th grade, 8th and 12th grade and that is a big difference! So I never really felt connected to those older 3rd cousins, who were all pretty close. Same thing but the opposite way for the younger ones, plus they were all boys which added another dynamic.

So this, combined with the fact that I am an only child (I have mentioned that before, haven't I?) means that I have never really felt that close-knit big family feeling. I am not complaining and I probably have had a lot less drama in my life as a result but sometimes I think it would be nice....

Taking care of the whole person - A New Years Resolution follow up

When I wrote about my new years resolutions earlier this year, number two was about "rededicating myself to my health and physical and emotional well-being." One thing that I didn't really grasp when I was writing this was how integral taking care of my spiritual well-being would be in actualizing this resolution.

I refrain from talking about my religious beliefs here on my blog because I think of spirtuality as a very personal journey. But I am going to now because I believe that it is a key reason for the changes that are happening in my life these days. Now I am not saying that these things are a direct result of me reevaluating my spiritual path, but likely more so because I am in a better mindset to receive them. And the thing was, I had everything i needed to take advantage of these resources for months now, just wasn't yet in the right place to take advantage of them. Being unemployed for 4 months can be compelling motivation!

I started attending this center at the urging of my best friend P (you may remember her from previous posts). She has actually been attending one in her city and sent me info about one in my area months ago. She actually sent it twice because I lost the email the first time. So I started going about a month ago.

As I said, I think of spirituality as a personal journey and it has been a while since I attended any organized religious gathering. But I have been finding that it is nice to recharge my spiritual batteries in a comforting welcoming environment of like-minded positive people. And it has helped me keep a positive mindset while going through some tough professional times.

There is a tenet that is common to just about every world religion. It appears in the religious texts of Christianity, Buddhism, Confusianism, Islam, Hinduism, Judaism and even Ancient Egyptian and Yoruba. It is most commonly known in modern times as "The Golden Rule" --- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

It is a tenet that I have always tried to live my life by. You give what you get. If you extend this concept further it can prescribe a way of thinking, recently popularized by the book and movie "The Secret." Referred to as "the law of attraction," otherwise known as the power of popular thinking, it is the concept that visualization and a truly positive attitude about your life can "attract" exactly what you seek.

So I figured that it was worth a try. Negativity and insecurity has never really helped anything. I figured I could gain some peace of mind from trying to apply this in my life, especially now. Trying times can be the best times to make positive changes in your life.

Our disability - In the words of Patrick Henry Hughes

I was watching one of my guilty pleasures last night, Extreme Makeover Home Edition when I heard some very profound words from a young man who has overcome a lot of odds. There is something about giving these families a chance at a better life that sucks me in and almost every time I see a show I end up bawling at the end --- It never fails!

Yesterday, i watched the show as they built a new house for Patrick Henry Hughes and his family. Now, I had heard of Patrick before. He was in a story on CBS's Sunday Morning program sometime last year. See, Patrick was born without eyes and with only limited ability to straighten his arms and legs. He lives his life in a wheelchair. But despite this, he became a music prodigy. He can play a number of instruments, including the piano, and, with the help of his father who pushes him around into formation, is a member of the University of Louisville marching band, playing the trumpet.

I was expecting to get the normal teary emotional boost I normally get from the show but then, during the pre-construction interview, Patrick explained his viewpoint on his disabilities. He said that he actually views sighted people with the disability because, by not having sight, he is not distracted by physical appearance. He does not know what red, black, or yellow looks like. He only gets to know what a person is like on the inside and that is something that he considers as an advantage.

Wow! Such an eloquent point and a inspiring viewpoint.

No maybe about it!

Yesterday, I went to go see the movie Definitely, Maybe with Ryan Reynolds and Abigail Breslin and I have to tell you..... it was the sweetest movie I have seen in a long time!


for those of you who are not familiar with it, the story is about this guy, who is in the process of getting a divorce, who's 10 year-old daughter, out of concern for her father's happiness, convinces him to tell her the story of his love life in an effort to understand why he ended up with her mother and get a clue to how he might be able to find happiness post-divorce. He agrees under the stipulation that the real names were changed and it becomes a game for her to try to figure out which woman he tells her about is actually her mother.

I have to tell you, this is like every Nora Ephron movie and Serendipity (with John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale) all rolled into one with the cutest most endearing daughter you have ever seen. I think I got about 3 or 4 good cries out of this move and not necessarily in the places you would expect. Derek Luke (of Antwon Fisher fame) also has a role in this movie. I can't wait to this to come out on DVD so I can buy it (and put it next of Love, Actually in the girlie part of my DVD collection!)

Rats!

Or rather.....Mice!

I had previously blogged about my ongoing saga with these four-legged creatures and I have to say, I think I would rather take roaches anyday. These mice are not only sneaky but also incredibly adaptive. Below are pictures of the previous mentioned damage done to soda bottles and dog treats. These were full! Not after the mice got to them.
I don't really understand how they drained them slowly from the bottom but they did!

Holy dog biscuits!

As an update, my first attempt with the old school traps was not successful at all. Those snaps I heard 15 minutes after I set them out did not catch any of them! So I decided to bait them, despite what the instructions said. I slathered them with peanut butter, replaced them and waited. Still no luck (even though some of them had been activated!) A couple had even been activated, moved and then the peanut butter licked off! These dang creatures! Maybe we have really underestimated the intelligence of mice and rats. Maybe "Pinky and the Brain" and "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe" are not that too far off and they really are going to take over the world!

So I went to go buy glue traps next. And when I went to put out the traps out I discovered that one of the old school traps had actually caught one mouse. Yicky!!! I needed gloves and some plastic thongs and a couple days to get used to the idea before I attempted to remove the little creature from under the sink. In the meantime however, the glue traps just disappeared from where I put them! Where did they go? I have not idea but the mice hauled them off somewhere. So much for the glue traps.....

I buy these dehydrated chicken breast treats from Costco for the dog in 3 lb bags. They were in a box in the basement that I checked regularly for any changes. Well, apparently the little sneaky varmits (to borrow a term from Yosemite Sam) had been siphoning these treats off through a hole that they had gnawed in the underside of the bag and had been stashing away about 2 1/2 pounds of these chicken breasts!

Well, this was about the last straw! I was starting to get really discouraged and was about to call the exterminator when I resolved that NO! I would not let these little furry rodents get the best of me!!! I took any remaining foodstuff or dog treat that was not in a can and put them in hard plastic containers. Then I took this expanding foam stuff and closed up the holes I saw in the walls that I thought the mice were using to travel under the sink and into the closet where the dog treats were. And then....... I went to buy POISON! Enough of this sissy stuff!! And I don't really care at this point if they die in an area that I can't reach them, I just want them out! These are protein-loading, dirty, furry squatters who are not paying rent and are eating me out of house and home! No more mercy for them!

I put out the poison in the areas where I know they travel and, with nothing else to eat, they have taken to it very quickly. In fact, I can't keep the trays full. After a couple days I was beginning to wonder if they were bionic, poison-resistant mice as well until I looked at the box and saw that it takes about 4-5 days for the poison to take affect. So today is day 5, all the poison trays are empty (and some of them even licked clean!) and I am waiting to see if those sounds of the mice crawling through the walls at night are finally gone!

It has been confirmed!

So, it is a well known legend and I have suspected that this rumor had legs, based on my own personal experience, but I wouldn't say that I have observed a statistically relevant sample size but apparently there has been scientific study on this topic and it has now been confirmed.....

African-American men are, ON AVERAGE, more well-endowed than white and Asian men. And this applies to not only length but girth as well.

Tracey Cox, a sex and relationship expert who has appeared on CNN and Oprah, writes about this and many other sex myths in her article "The Top Ten Sex Myths (Only 2 are true!)" at iVillage.com.

Happy Valentine's Day!

So Valentine's Day is sort of a mixed bag of emotions for me....

It is my parents' anniversary, which is nice, although probably not as romantic as it might seem. My mother alluded that she knew that my dad would never forget their anniversary with a whole industry reminding him, weeks in advance, that the day was coming. Anyway, they celebrate their 41st wedding anniversary today! Wow!


As for me, two years ago, I got broken up with on my Valentine's Day weekend trip to see my boyfriend. So, that is not such a good memory but it was actually a catalyst for me to start blogging! My second ever post was a poll about the situation, as a few of you may remember.

I can count the times that I have gotten flowers on Valentines day on one hand, two fingers to be exact, and one time was from my parents! Until today! Now, let's hear it for 3 fingers! As you can see, I recieved a lovely bouquet of red, pink and white tulips this year and I have to admit, I am really pleased!

I know it seems a little stupid to get all wrapped up in a holiday that is largely the creation of commercialism but for me it is really about being appreciated. And, while it is truly better to feel appreciated throughout the entire year and not just on one day, especially when relationships are new, it is really nice when someone takes advantage of the opportunity to show that they care!

13!

What is the significance of this number you ask?

Well, Brunsli's post about her 4 year lockversary reminded me that I didn't post about my 13 year lockversary! Yeah, 13 years..... Can you believe it!

It is actually not anything that I would readily remember and recognize at this point except when people stop me and ask me questions about my hair.

As I have said before, I am immensely happy with it and can't imagine myself any other way!

On the eve of Super Tuesday (and Mardi Gras but that is not what this is about..)

So, a friend of mine sent me the link to this video and it actually made me tear up!

Inspiring! Please watch and please vote!

I love Lupe!

Okay, it has taken me a while to write about this because my appreciation for his latest album has grown as I have taken the time to really listen to it all. But I think Lupe Fiasco's album is just great! It is not the kind of album that you just turn on in the background and listen to. I mean, you can do that but then you miss out on all of the poetic genius and social commentary that is interwoven into this album. Now, I liked Food and Liquor a lot but I think The Cool just takes it to the next level. With commentary about the disintegration of the black community, the misguided views of current mainstream rappers, the story of young African boys who have been stolen from their families and used as soldiers in rebel armies... every song has something profound to say and that is so exciting to me, an excitement that I don't feel about music often these days. Plus, like many of the Chicago rappers, Lupe is looking to creative musical sources and inspirations to build great musical productions.

A male friend of mine told me the other day that he had a "man crush" on Lupe, that he just wanted to meet him and hang out with him. I chuckled when he said it but I really am feeling that statement now. A man with artistic integrity who is making it on his own terms and with enlightened and empowering things to say -- I have a little crush myself!

So with that, I am going to gift you with a clip from this great live performance of the song "Superstar" from the House of Blues in Chicago last year with Michael Santos. I think I am going to start scouring his concert dates to see when he comes here! And I recommend you get a little Lupe for yourself!

I only get one vote, huh?

This past week, I proudly concluded my streak of never watching one of George W Bush's State of the Union addresses. I just can't stand to see what he has to say and the poor and unpolished way he says it. I can't stand his little beady eyes and his little smirkish grin. And what I cant stand the most, what makes me cringe is that people in other countries actually think he represents me in any way!

With that being said, how nice it is to have two democratic candidates that I would be happy to have in the White House, representing me and promoting the things that are important to me! But as I was concluding watching the debate on Thursday, from a policy perspective, i didn't really see much appreciable difference between Clinton and Obama. And the things that he did hold up as differences, who was opposed to the war from the start, some intricacies of their health care reform initiatives, and some points on immigration policy don't seem like that big of differences. Let's face it, almost anything would be better than what we have!

This is truly a historical time and an exciting one! Either a woman or a black man will be the Democratic candidate for president this year. Momentous is that say 100 years ago, neither of those groups were even allowed to vote in this country. I am sure there are many of the older generation who never thought they would see this day in their lifetime. And it is here, and it is exciting. One of the most impressive things about Barack Obama has been his ability to mobilize and engage previously politically disenfranchised sections of the population, namely the youth and black communities. I see my 22 year old cousin actively inspired by Barack and actively involved as a volunteer in his campaign, putting up flyers, attending speeches. Barack likely has some of the broadest financial support of any presidential candidate. He has refused to take money from PACs and lobbying groups and 90% of his campaign contributions have been in amounts of $100 or less! And he raised $23 million dollars in the month of January alone, more than any presidential nominee in history.

I was struck by a question that was asked by a 38 year old woman during the debate which said that she has never had the opportunity to participate in a presidential election where there wasn't either a Bush or a Clinton running. Obviously, this is the same case for me. For 20 years there has been either a Bush or Clinton in the White House! I did like Hilary's response though ("Maybe what we need is another Clinton to clean up after this Bush!") And let's face it, the 8 years of the Clinton presidency were not bad ones. We had a trade surplus, a strong economy and good diplomatic relations around the world. But, I can't assume that similar things would automatically happen with Hilary in the White House. As she likes to remind us, she is not Bill. Hilary says that she has the experience on her side but sometimes it takes impassioned eyes, not exposed to all the seediness and backdoor dealsmanship of the Washington political machine to really get things done.

If I am taking the political process seriously, I can't pick who I want to be president based on who I like better. I should pick based on who is best for this country. As a black woman, I would be happy to see either a woman or a black man as president of this country.

So the long and the short of it is, that am still not completely decided. This is going to be a far more difficult decision for me than the actual presidential election. I guess I will just see who I am feeling most inspired by on Tuesday!

Juno, you know?

What is the sleeper hit that is running away with box-office reciepts and award nominations? It's Juno. I have seen commercials for it for a while and, after a glowing recommendation from my best friend, I went to go see it. And I have to say I loved it!

In these days of Bring It On (I, II and III), Step It Up and John Tucker Must Die, there is a real void for movies like Sixteen Candles, Breakfast Club and Pretty and Pink that really spoke to a generation of young kids and told them that it was okay to be quirky and different. Juno serves that purpose for the generation of today. But what is different about this movie, is that it is not as much about a teenage girl finding herself but more about one who knows herself and teaches others around her. She is quirky, sarcastic, funny and wise and has such clarity about things that even adults like me can respect and learn something.

Go see this movie! It is really well made and although the music is not really my style, it is interwoven in a way that serves a purpose as almost a whole other character in the movie. It is a sweet, smart movie that deals with a difficult subject with the utmost straightforwardness and cleverness.