Sunday, December 30, 2007

Timing...

It is becoming more and more evident to me that what is important in relationships, maybe just as important as the person you choose (or who chooses you) is timing. I think this is probably under-emphasized when we talk about relationships. If I look back on the people I have dated and met over the years, some have been the wrong people at the right time and some have been the right people at the wrong time.....

And this is probably why it doesn't get talked about much. Because, lets face it, finding the right person at the wrong time is just painful and there is nothing that you can do about it. You can't go back or forward in time and have the person you are now meet the person they were/will be then.

And that is what is so frustrating about it all. The lack of control that you have. I guess all you can really do is work on being the best person that you can be and make sure that you are ready to receive when they do come along....
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2 comments:

blackrussian said...

Thanks for the comments you left on my weight loss blog...SO true what you said about guilt not being a good motivator.

I am an emotional eater too and I have struggled with disordered eating on and off since I was about 12 (Big Surprise, right?), but I usually tended to stay closer to the almost too thin end of the spectrum and this is my first time at this WAY TOO FAT end!

So, it's doubly hard for me to get out of the rut I'm in. Intellectually, I know all of the things you said are true and I know what I should do to lose the weight and be healthy and keep it off. I actually have really good sense about how to maintain a healthy weight. But I've never had to lose more than 10 or 15 pounds, and I always did it by not eating.

I have no practical experience with losing a lot of weight over a sustained period of time. I've read about it and I know what all the books and articles say, but my emotions are really getting in my way - then pile on the other problems I'm having with timing and being tired and not feeling well and it's just pretty awful right now.

Now...about THIS post of yours.

I wholeheartedly agree.

I attended a wedding yesterday of one of my oldest and closest friends. He married a girl we grew up with. And I thought: Hunh? Wonder what made it click for them one day after knowing each other most of their lives?

And weddings ALWAYS make you reflect on your own dating past. My most recent relationship ended in May and I totally feel like it was right person/wrong time.

I have never met anyone in my life who felt more like THE ONE! But we had so many issues trying to make it stick and have it progress that we just had to give it up! It was so bad for both of us. As much as we cared for each other we just couldn't move forward because of all these weird things we had going on in our lives and decisions that had to be made.

It WAS pretty painful. But it also gave me a lot of hope. I have a list like so many of us do - and it isn't a long list or a picky list, but it is specific enough that I had begun to wonder if I would ever find HIM.

Let's say there are 10 things on the list. Until now, I have only ever found someone with 4 or 5 things that were on 'the list'. The first guy has 1,3,8, and 5. The next guy has 2,4, and 8, but not 1 or 3. Oh, but he DOES have 7 and 9...but THIS man was a full 9 out of 10, which I had begun to believe was not even possible.

I would have been happy with 7 out of 10 as long as they were the important things like: responsible, loyal, forgiving, and trustworthy. (Good-dancer is not a must-have -- want it, but can do without it if most of the other qualities and personality traits are there ;-)

So while it was sad that we didn't work, it gave me hope that HE is out there. My ideal partner does exist.

I have always told myself that he must. I exist, so my counterpart must, right? isn't that a fundamental law of the universe? We just have to find each other, right?

But, you know...not having met anyone until recently, I was beginning to lose faith and lose heart.

What with starting my new business and my current weight issues, now is about the WORST time in my life for me to try to start something new.

I haven't taken myself completely out, but I'm definitely on the sidelines. I'm not really open to being in a relationship right now because I know I need to work on myself. Honest self-evaluation tells me that I am not ready now.

I'm not the sort to sabotage a relationship, or be jealous or insecure/drama queen etc. But I know that I am not my best self right now and I do believe that you are what you attract.

Right now, I won't attract the strong, confident man I want.

Like Ms. India Arie said, "If you want a butterfly, you got to be a butterfly."

I've been through a lot in the last 3 years that I haven't even blogged about. Family illnesses, personal illnesses, betrayal by so-called friends, layoffs, THE breakup...

I kind of need to take some time off and make sure that I really truly heal.

So that I can be on solid mental, emotional, and spiritual footing when he does come along...

The Long-Winded Commenter strikes again...

9:30 AM
Naturally Sophia said...

I could not agree more. The older I get, the more I think a whole lot of things are about timing rather than about who you are or what you do/know. Great Post!

10:23 AM

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