The other day I had a depressing thought....
I am running out of single female friends..... I mean this can be combined with the fact that I went to a wedding a week or so ago. I thought about bringing a date but agreed with the other single friend that I knew was going to not so that we could both be single together. And when I got the guilt trip from a male aquaintence who still had not seen my house and agreed in principle to have a few people over this weekend and he told me to invite my cute single friends, it really hit me. I don't really have many anymore. I think there are currently 3. The others have either moved away, gotten married, have serious boyfriends...... And then there is me.... :-(
Okay, this is not a pity party but I have noticed that some of my social habits have changed not because of my lack of interest in those activities but because of lack of people to do them with.... I love to dance, I love to go out to clubs. I used to have a great hanging buddy and friend and we used to go out every weekend, Friday and Saturday. Now, that was a little overkill but we had a blast! So, I don't have many going out friends now. Well, the ones I have are a little more low key than I like to be all the time which makes me sad from time to time...
Also, most of my best friends live in other cities. There isn't really an easy way to replenish your friends once you get past school/grad school age. You aren't really ever forced into large groups of people you have things in common with anymore. You spend most of your time either at work or at home and it's not like you get in in-depth conversations with other women at the grocery store or the gym. And the friends I have, while still great people are starting to talk about or have babies and the awful selfish thought I have is, "oh well... there goes that." And one by one, I lose the ability to relate to them for a few years. I mean, I relate as much as I can but what do I know about boppies and the best diaper pails etc.
I suppose I wouldn't worry about this so much if I were in a relationship. Although, a guy is never a substitute for a girlfriend. Sadly, guys don't always last forever. But your girls are there to lift you up and push you forward and hold you up when you can't for yourself.
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6 comments:
I feel you 100% on this one.
I just made a few new friends when I was out of town - in FL but I live in SC, so it's not like we can hang out on a regular basis. The best we can hope for is to vacation together every once in a while.
We'll be great phone friends and check up with each other by e-mail; but as for my list of good, local, go out to the club, have an impromptu lunch/brunch/dinner friends, come over to my house and chill friends - that list is shrinking.
I don't know your exact age, but I'm just hitting 30 and my friends are marrying and having children,
and as much as I love them, their life is just not MY life. And it does make me sad that we're growing apart.
I currently have no prospects for a husband or SO, which is OK, but that means that even when I do get married and have kids (if I still want to by the time that happens) I'm going to be about 3 - 7 years behind them, so I'll still be at another stage of life.
That's why I recently posted on my own blog about my decision to travel and have adventures. This time for me will not be filled with idle waiting.
I am going to continue to do things that make me a more interesting person, so that I will not feel lonely and depressed.
Girl, I feel ya! I mean, I think that is what you have to do. Concentrate on doing things that enrich your life and help you grow. Have experiences that you would not be able to have if your life had taken the other path. Give them something to be jealous of! ;-)
But it can be really disheartening at times.... I actually have a very successful professional aunt and cousin who started a tradition of going on a trip to an international country every year. Sometimes they would go together, sometimes separately and they have been doing this for years. When I graduated from high school I got to benefit from this practice because my aunt took me to Spain and Italy as a present. Now, my aunt still continues this tradition with her husband. She got married for the first time at 59 (his second marriage) and my cousin, in her 50's, is still not married.
It never seemed like they were missing anything or had a large void in their life. They are very successful with their careers and have accumulated a lot of friends over the years and the money to go visit them. I, myself, don't think I can have a stiff upper lip for that long tho....
Sigh...this is exactly what I get for going to college out of state and then moving where I wanted to. All of my really close gf's are out of state AND wrapped up in a relationship. So we have the occasional trips and hours of phone time...
Luckily I have my male gay friends to fall back on. :-) but I agree 100%
When I was college I was so used to doing everything with people...immediately after it took a while for me to be comfortable doing things alone but now I don't even blink. It would be nice to have my gf's around but since they aren't...I'll have to keep living my life and doing the things I love.
Vacation alone? Not there yet...currently all of my gfs vacation with their significant others (boo...) I think I may get annoyed enough to do that in a few years...not there yet...
Red Dred Princess- I may be a tad younger than you, but I am seeking to build better rel't with womyn/girlfriends. I am in the Atlanta area and love to club/dance/drink. I would love to go to the gym with you, see a movie, go shopping, or whatever because I think we both live in Atlanta. In case you haven't read my blog, I am very single too. If you are truly interested in building your girlfriend rolodex like me, e-mail me at Natural.Life.24.7@gmail.com. I would be happy to exchange numbers and do something together. Forgive me if I am being too forward. I am just super friendly. And my best friend has been married for 5 years.
It would be cool to hang with someone like you.
Vacation alone? Sadly I have done this numerous times but only locally excluding my study abroad in Paris which really wasn't a vacation. I had fun but a like-minded girl pal would have made it better and safer.
unfortunately, it's the sad reality of "we're old". Outside of college/grad school, we don't spend a lot of time with people in a context where you get to know them that well. Maybe when you first start working, you have some work friends who are single and can go out, but after that, they start falling like flies. And the more you work, the less time people have for going out and the less opportunity you have to really get know people to find out if you'd even want to spend time with them, and even more are married. And married people just don't/can't go out all that much. They start doing stuff with other couples, doing things togther, have kids, etc. Relationships don't always last forever and friendships do provide long time security, but yeah, you do need a new relationship. Been a while.
So, to clarify, a lot of times my aunt and cousin would coordinate trips to meet up somewhere or often went on organized tours --- not like the corny tourist trips that most people are used to but cool things like hiking in Nepal or along the Amazon or a Smithsonian guided tour of West Africa or a tour of the Egyptian pyramids and a Nile River cruise... Never solo travel but with groups. And they actually ended up making some good friends as a result. Still, I am not sure I would do it either.
Naturally Sophia - Thanks so much for the offer. I will definitely shoot you an email!
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